Having better conversations: be prepared to be amazed

Radio talk show host Celeste Headlee thinks that makes her a great conversationalist is that she truly believes everybody has is an expert at something and has the ability to amaze you. And so she tries to shut up and truly listen. Her 11 minute TED talk 10 ways to have a better conversation provides some good tips on how to have better, more engaging conversations. As she says, just mastering any one will probably dramatically improve your conversations. Key to it all is being truly present and actively listening. Why do we find this so hard? We can talk at 225 words per minute but listen at 500 words per minute, so our active brain uses that spare capacity to wander around and get distracted. Scott Peck stated “Since true listening involves a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the others. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable, and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the dance of love is begun again.”